By: Marc McMahon
So you know my new friend I have been telling you about over the past month or so? Well, I am starting to think he has a drinking problem. Or maybe it is not even a problem other than for me. I am not really sure yet all I know is that I have seen this writing on the wall before and it never turned out well. I know this first hand because that writing was on the wall of my very own addiction. I mean I know the drill. Someone tells you they don’t like it when you drink around them, or in my case Will Not Tolerate a person with a drink near me unless at a nearby dinner table un-related to me.
I mean when you like to drink the fact I told you I won’t have it around me quickly fades away as the new thought of if I slowly have an occasional beer around him he will be magically desensitized to it and I can eventually drink as much as I want without him saying anything. I know the drill, shit I damn near developed it. Although that tactic may work with most when one tries to implement it with me they find themselves verbally pinned up against the wall with the wrong end of the beer can going down their throat I will not have it!!
Kind of sounds like a boundary huh? More like the damn Berlin Wall before it met its demise. Ya a boundary, a recovery guarded as fiercely as a momma bear would her cubs no lie! If I have to go back to not having a friend very abruptly and in my very near future I surely will, I have to, plus I do not mind. Really, I mean it is nice having a friend but my tolerance for others bullshit is very minimal. I can’t even put up with any of my own so surely I will not put up with others, especially when it revolves around my recovery, my life.
Recovery Is No Joke
It is very serious for me this time. Always has been but this times different like I been saying. This really means something to me this time and I have had to earn it. All past recovery attempts were easy for me even though I always failed. I think that was part of my problem. This time has been anything but that. This time has been a literal war and it was really, really, hard at first.
The first twelve days were miserable I thought I was going to seriously die on day ten and went to the hospital emergency room. Just withdrawals I was told and told to give it a few more days so I swore to myself that once I got through those withdrawals and got my feel good back I called it (still do 🙂 that I would never, ever, give it up again voluntarily and I will not break that promise to myself, at least not today.
What to do next? I think since I have already established my boundaries here I just wait until the next time it happens in the near future and then tell him exactly what I think. And I know me and I will in a very casual yet firm way that causes him and all within earshot to think I am an asshole all of the sudden for being so rigid in my position on this but I do not care. Like I said it has to be this way my life is at risk if I don’t defend it so. I am hoping that he responds in a favorable manner to my position and there is a chance I am wrong and he will see things my way I just doubt it is all but maybe, time will tell.
It would be ironic I think almost as if Karma the Bitch had her hand in this if it don’t work out just to put the shoe on my other foot to show me what its like to lose the friend v.s. being the drug addict friend lost. I am hopeful despite my frustrated attitude while writing this. Plus today was just a bipolar mood swing, nightmare for me anyway. Worse mood day I have had this past 11 months but I got through it, thank you and thank God for being here for me so I could process all of this.
I am hopeful my new friendship works out and I shall know soon if it will but it should hopefully be ok. If not I will be ok with it I just hate to lose a friend to this disease any sooner than I have to if indeed I have to at all. Thank you as always for reading and for sharing in this marvelous new journey of mine I call life. I love you!
About the Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”