By: Marc McMahon
I know encouraging posts about lifting people up who are early in recovery can be cliche’ but I am going to try never the less just in case somebody needs to hear it. I just know that I am very, very, grateful to be alive and not only alive but alive clean and sober. Now that is living!! You see sometimes my gratitude for all that has been given to me recently gets so strong I cannot help but feel compelled to share it with someone. I have stumbled across a means to happiness for all those still suffering from the disease of addiction. In a word its called Recovery.
I guess I just had no idea life could even begin to get this good or good at all for that matter when I started. When I started this quest for sobriety last time you all I wasn’t sure how it was gonna turn out, all I knew is that I said to myself out loud one day last April and dead serious I said, ” I did not move all the way down here to live like this. This is going to stop!” And I meant it with every fiber of my being, even if stopping meant killing myself, I was that sick of that life of mine then. I was done.
With that being said recovery, of course, was my first option I was not being foolish when I said that aloud, or maybe I was but I just knew from that day forward I would not live another day as an addict, that I put a guarantee on. So knowing myself, knowing I have tried 3 times before and knowing how serious I was at that time I knew damn well if I relapsed it was over for me. I have never told anyone that before or really thought about it but thank GOD it worked out this time! Well to be quite honest with you HE is the reason it worked out this time :). My best efforts get me 6 months clean tops, so again thank you my Jesus!
I only say that so the people who read who don’t know my story don’t think things were always this easy for me. So they know just how bad of an addict I was, and how deprived of character I had become. I was a sickening mess you all who has in a phrase been literally Saved By Grace. I say it so that you know for sure that if I can come back from the despair of my disgraceful addiction, you can too! This gift and it is a gift is available to you as well if you just keep fighting.
If you find you are struggling with staying clean know this, I do too, getting clean was not easy for me at all. I did not do or even do not do based on my past performance recovery very well. I am clean and don’t plan on going back but make no mistake it took me almost 22 years of continued on and off effort but the effort never the less to reach this point. Through 3 suicide attempts, 9 psychiatric room stays, and even more inpatient tries, the list goes on. I was a mess!! But I gotta say I never quit trying. I tried quitting life a few times but somehow ( by Grace) I bounced back ungracefully to try again.
If you are simply struggling not to relapse every 3 weeks I hear you and you know what I don’t care what anybody says to you, I say, it’s OK, it really is. It will be ok, if you let it. If you can just be grateful for the few days you had before you relapsed whil you were sober and with the mindset that although discouraged you will try recovery again at least someday if not right away, you gotta shot. Relapse does not have to be part of your recovery but even though folks don’t like talking about it I say for most of us it is, and that’s just a fact I think. But that’s my heart talking because I see so so many struggle and get condemned for it when what they really need is loved!!
If you find you were like me and are at your witts end with it all reach out to me first please and let’s talk Ill give ya my number. I may not have your answer but you won’t be alone either with just yourself and sometimes that’s the best we can do for ourselves is to say help I cant do this. I have many, many times and one time you all it paid off and now I sit here and share my new found love with you in case you need some. There’s a shortage of that you know, of love.
So for all of you, I share a heart full of love and a willingness to help if my experiences can in somehow benefit you. That is the best gift I can offer you but it’s my offer never the less, thank you all so much I Love You!
About The Author: Marc is a 49-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”