BY: Marc McMahon
There is a little boy inside of me. He looks just like I did when I was his age. He wears 1970’s red nylon shorts with a white stripe down the sides. His shirt is white, short sleeved, with blue borders at the ends of each sleeve and baby blue printing across the boy’s chest. He wears a yellow Seattle Mariners baseball team, terry clothed wristband, circa 1970’s and his hair is light brown cut in a shag.
There is a room with grey walls and only one light in the center, a bright light, dangling from three wires protruding out of the side of a broken light fixture. A red wire, a white wire, and a green. All leading to one large, bright, Vietnam era interrogation light, hanging low so that the illumination of the light only lights the center of the room leaving the corners dark!
In the center of this room sits a wooden chair or stool, it has four legs and is of the faded oak variety, stained and worn. On this stool sits the boy, straight-faced, knees touching and staring straight ahead. Behind him is the door he entered through or was brought in it lurks in the shadows. Did he come on his own or was he brought here I am not sure of that yet all I know is that he is here and this is the first time we have met in many years, his eyes fixed to mine, scared! I ask him how he is and he crosses his arms, stares at me a moment, and with a firm voice says to me “I am not fine!”
That was the extent of the memory, or vision, or what have you. It came to me while in therapy last Tuesday as we were trying to identify target areas for my EMDR trauma therapy if I described that correctly. At any rate, we started the therapy, the vision came, I spoke to the boy and he replied and from there I got an overwhelming sense he no longer wanted to communicate with me, just be there, with me, but not to close, but with no one else either, then it ended.
What does it all mean? I don’t know I am processing the whole event with you now as I write so until I meet again with my trusty Therapist Tuesday who is sensational by the way I just love this gal, she rocks. But something tells me she’s gonna have an explanation for me for sure. It is interesting though how the mind works and the power it has to generate images if you allow it to. I am pretty open to the whole process so although a bit unnerving very interesting to me to dive deeper inside of myself and look for closet doors that have yet to be opened and then the coolest part.
To be able to locate those closet doors and be able to open them but not have to do it alone because you got a friend in your therapist who will be there with you so it makes the unknown safe again if that makes any sense. Therapy is good for that. Life is hard enough on its own so don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Contrary to popular belief asking for help is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness. We were never intended to go at this alone, God showed us that early on when he created Eve for Adam then said it is good. One wasn’t good you see. He never made man and said its good, not until the women came if you have never looked at it that way before.
Its Kind of like diving into the darkness of your past. Going at it alone maybe not so good, but going at it with a therapist then I think its good or safer at least and probably your best bet like I am doing but just my thoughts. Anyhows you all I know that was a really bizarre post but I am gonna let that ride and I will fill you in more on this as soon as it is revealed. Until we meet again my friends stay blessed and always remember I Love You!!!
About The Author: Marc is a 49-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”