BY: Marc McMahon
Gosh, you all it has been almost two weeks since I have written anything that is the longest I have gone in the past two years without writing a piece so it made me wonder, what is up? Something? Nothing? Or a little bit of both that you can’t really put your finger on until after the dark cloud of depression sets in or it has driven you to therapy to try and figure out. Or could it simply be that I just had nothing important to say, hmmm? And you’re all like and it took you two weeks to figure that out, Marc? Well, ya know some of us are slower than others. 🙂
You know the thing is after I thought about it I actually have been writing just not for this site. I just finished a short story coming out in June and July in Print which is super cool but when I write creatively like that I don’t share it here usually so it looks as if I have simply been in a shell maybe but that’s, not the case. The reason I don’t share it here is not that it is not awesome stuff but it is not about recovery at all. More about twisted childhood abuse and stuff from a little boy or girls point of view. So for someone looking for recovery reading that might shock them and I don’t want that so I keep my creative darkness separate from here lol. I guess that is the best way to explain it.
I over the past two years have shared a lifetime of experiences. I have completely emptied out the dark closet of horrors from my past addictions here, and was left recently with the question what do you have left to say, Marc? If I am left with just the day to day of how my recovery is going do people really want to read that I ask myself, and I ask again, and second guess, and ask again, you know the drill. The one that instead of leaving us with the clear answer we had hoped leaves us more confused than when we started sometimes or at least I know for me that is the case.
So Where To Go From Here?
Well, I think just keep pressing on here. Keep sharing my recovery in hopes that it might just help somebody along the way. I mean as long as a person is reading I am gonna keep writing I believe it to be one of the reasons my life has been literally spared by my God. That’s just me and my beliefs though but never the less the writing shall continue I think :). So what else has been going on with me? Well, I just bought a brand spanking new mountain bike that I got for $300 off the marked price so it was a huge purchase for me but a bigger blessing that is for sure.
You see this is more than just your ordinary, run of the mill mountain bike. This bike not only represents dirt eating badassness (new word 🙂 but much more as well. You see this bike represents the largest purchase of my adult life that was legitimate with my own money. It represents the goodness of my God and my Recovery. But it also represents the beginning of a whole and healthy me if that makes any sense at all. It makes me feel whole, happy, and hysterical about life again. It kicks the thought of boredom in the teeth every time it presents itself as my bike will simply whisper “just ride me.” You’re not bored.
That alone is worth a million bucks to me right now literally because boredom was beginning to become a thing that I have desperately been trying to fend off and this purchase crushed it and I am so happy I cannot even express it fully in word! You see boredom for most is an uncomfortable occurrence but for someone who is bi-polar like me, boredom can quickly translate into depression if not watched closely, it is very subtle. So to have that monkey off my back so to speak I feel great!!
Gosh and to think I procrastinated months on buying this thing and if I had just done it sooner I could have been happier like this then too! But all good because I am now. Thank You, Jesus! Thank you all so much for sharing in my recovery and until we meet again my friends please, stay blessed, I love you!
About The Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”