By: Marc McMahon
Yes almost there, 54 more days to go and I will have my first year of sobriety done with just the help of God and you all. Ok well and my Aunty, and my Mommy, and so on but you follow me. No treatment, no programs, just no drugs! Wow, wish it was this easy 22 years ago when I first tried but then again I would not be the man I am becoming and I am starting to really like the new me. New and improved, clean and sober, with all the latest IOS updates I am being factory reset, repackaged, and shipped in a tweet, article, or blog post near you. LOL, ok well almost all that anyways, definitely a better Marc, much better.
Gosh, I love writing. writing that last paragraph gave me great joy as I was doing it smiling the whole time and still am, silly little boy grin on a 50-year-old man, it must be a site. Who cares though right because I am pro Silliness all the way. Lifes to short not to be happy, carefree, and fun loving if given the opportunity I think. I like that and I choose to be that way always but recovery I am finding sometimes has a mind of its own, kind of like my addiction but recovery is pro, Marc.
You see I am finding that despite my positive outlook on life that this recovery thing can still take its toll on my state of mind and exhaust my emotional receptors. I mean holy smokes feelings and memories coming back in force at times as if on steroids. Then with Mental Health Meds needing adjusting, and insomnia at an all-time worse of 2.5 hours of sleep a day, not good! Then on top of that mood swings that range from complete joy which is my normal to this recent trend of not having any particular interest in doing anything as you may have noticed by the drop in my online participation recently. Short of my blog I am committing to nothing else until I feel back to 100% all the time like I am used to because this is for the birds these feelings.
What To Do With Feelings
I identify them best I can, I acknowledge what they want me to feel and I feel it. Then I can save it as memory or trash it. But I must deal with it in order to get passed it I have found. I must let them surface in order to suffice, to begin so they can end, start so they can finally finish and I can be done with that one and move on to the next. If I choose to push them back down then they will as they have in the past bury themselves deep within me and fester until a relapse sets them free again.
You know there is more power in the feeling than I think we give credit, far more. C.G. Jung says “Until you make the unconscious, conscious. It will direct your life and you will call it fate.” That is exactly what I am talking about here. knowing that helps me a great deal because although in recovery, especially this early recovery like I am still in feelings can be overwhelming. But if we realize we are making our unconscious, conscious and the awkward feelings are only temporary in order to heal than that should help not only me but you to help maybe cope with them a little bit better don’t you think?
Whats next on the feelings menu? What other dishes does it have to serve? God only knows and I know he does too and knowing that brings me great peace. Knowing that my H.P. will never give me more than I can handle even if I think it is, means that although uncomfortable at times recovery won’t kill me, like my addiction could have! Thank God again for that too. A whole new chance at life and I am going to make this chance like my last because it very well may be. Today is a new day my friends and although only 1:20 a.m. and trying hard to stay in my joy till least daybreak, then dark, then tomorrow and so on :). Stay blessed you all and if you ever need an ear hit me up you know one thing I will most definitely understand your struggle. Till we meet again my friends, “peace be with you”
About the Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”