By: Marc McMahon
As you all I know I have been back from my relapse now full-time 6 1/2 glorious months. For six and one half fantastic months I have been writing, staying sober, and sharing my message of healing, hope, and love to all who are willing to receive it. My following on this site has grown beyond my wildest dreams (Thank You Jesus!) and I have unearthed and dealt with some incredible memories from years past and the traumas from my addiction. With all of that incredible progress, one thing still remains unchanged.
I have some damn issues. 🙂
I had a situation occur recently, one of three similar events that have taken place in the past year that have rubbed me completely the wrong way, upside down, and sideways ever since they happened. This last time was the icing on my cake though. I’ll explain, you see, for the vast majority of my adult life. Ok, the truth, for all but a couple years of my adult life I was a no good pile of lies, anger, and pain, who had the propensity to self-destruct at any time, anywhere, taking all those within my widening blast zone with me. This deemed me too much of a hassle, threat, or inconvenience to be around, not that anyone really even wanted to be anymore anyways.
Since getting clean and this has always been a top priority as far as character traits go when I am in my right mind. When I am in recovery I am almost anal about doing what I say I am going to do and expecting the same from everybody else. I have always been of the assumption that how well a person keeps their word is probably the best judge of overall character that I know of.
A Little Integrity Please!
If a person cannot simply do as they say, or at least have the decency to call or email and say I can’t make it, and that happens more than a few times (if that long) in my mind they cannot be trusted and/or are not of the type of character that I care to have my hard fought for new life to be around.
So recently I discussed doing some freelance writing (paid position, even 🙂 and the Marketing Director and I came up with a plan to conference call with the facilities CEO the following business day to discuss options, expectations, and the likes. Thing is, that phone call never came from her that following business day. Nor did a brief text message, or email get sent to me informing me of the change of plans. I find this highly unprofessional, and completely disrespectful. But, what do I know, I am just an addict in recovery who people tend to think they can treat however their current mood dictates.
Well, guess what?
Homie has a tough time swallowing that pill, a really tough time. Matter of fact the damn thing gags me. So I waited two days and still no reply. Inside of me, this whole time is this desire to satisfy this old behavior that says you have every right Marc to inform these people how you feel and let them know you don’t think they are the type of facility you currently want your name associated with. And I felt completely justified in doing so.
Then came my first moment of clarity regarding should I really send that email orrrrrrr? It came when the thought popped into my head, “you need to call and ask your Mom what she would do” My Mother is the Master at Office edicate, and the do’s and don’ts of how one should conduct themselves properly as a professional in the business world. So yea, my standards are high there.
Here is the thing you all, when I told my Mom my situation and my thoughts and feelings around it she did what Mom’s have been doing for Son’s since the beginning of time. She put things in perspective and explained why sometimes folks string you along vs. having the where with all to simply say they don’t really need your services at that time. To break it down and make you understand like only she can. So when Wisdom spoke her voice said this.
Wisdom Has Spoke
Mom validated my feelings of frustration, agreed that proper business practice would cause one to promptly inform the other party of the change in circumstances, and then the kicker! She said to me “Marc, I want you to see this. I think that the reason you feel so strongly about making sure this other party knows how upset you are with them. Is because Marc, for the vast majority of your life you were exactly that person you now despise for doing this.”
She went on to say “remember Marc, you were the one who always made plans and never showed, you were that disrespectful person but not to your associates only, but to your loved ones, mainly. And that is why you feel so strongly about people doing that to you!” At that very moment the light bulb came on and although I am merited in my frustration, the true root of this problem lies within myself, not the folks who never replied to me.
In closing, I deleted my extremely pointed and based solely on emotion email that I wanted to send these folks. With a very polite, well-rounded thank you for your consideration and I wish you all the best in taking your company in its new direction. Please let me know if I can be of assistance in the future, thank-you.
Perfect, and as Mom again explained, all this on the phone from her home in Seattle. You will get much more respect and they if they are going to feel at all bad about blowing you off are going to feel that more from your kind words than your words of frustration. That is one fine way to gain respect in the world of business son.” Kill them with kindness always, you cant loose with that.”
I just want to say thank-you Mom, you mean more to me than you will ever know. Thank you so much for always teaching me the best ways you know of, and for loving me even when I didn’t love myself! You are my hero and I love you so :)!
About the Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”