When Recovery Gets Blue

By: Marc McMahon

Maybe I should have titled it the recovery Blahs instead because I am far from blue just been stuck in this quagmire of no motivation and or interest in doing much of anything this past two weeks. I usually go through this every month but only for a  few days and this month it seems to be lasting a little longer than normal so it’s starting to become a pain in my behind but, there is good news, the end is in site.

Oh, writing that made me smile, writing that made me realize I am only two weeks away from another mountain biking trip, that I am sober a year and a half and have a life. Writing that put some gratitude back into my step this morning and boy I think I needed that because I feel better now than when I started writing. It is so crazy how I can in just a few sentences sometimes make myself feel better. I guess that’s why writing is a gift because it does for me what nothing else can at times.

Back From Break

I wrote those first two paragraphs and I had to stop because that was all I had to say at that moment but I am back now and feeling much better. You wanna know what I did? Well, I attacked my lack of motivation with action. I went and rode this new downhill mountain bike course by my house and it was so much fun. I mean intensely, borderline insane downhill fun but wow I feel alive now. As a matter of fact, that was actually the day before and I just might go back today.

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I might just drag my sore almost 50 year old body back up that mountain for an hour so I can go flying down the new downhill course in 9 minutes. Yep you spend almost an hour hiking your bike up because its to steep for me to ride up all the way yet. But you hike up an hour almost only to be down in a few minutes providing you dont crash. I dont wish that on nobody on that course because it would hurt good anywhere you bit it its that intense of a course.

I love mountain biking I think its the replacement rush for my drug addiction. My recovery rush so to speak. My makes me feel alive and my now that was living activity. It is important I keep myself stimulated with activities that excite me otherwise I get bored really easy. It is difficult at times to go from the chaos of active addiction to the mundane that lies in being normal (whatever that is).

I was talking to my therapist about it and she was saying how it’s going to take some time to get used to not having chaos around always. To not always have to be on edge of your seat in case something happens. How actually being an addict for any length of time is a traumatic experience for our being and just like survivors of any trauma, it is going to take time and possibly therapy for us to be able to sort that mess out and recover. It made perfect sense to me because it is traumatic sometimes to the point of us addicts getting P.T.S.D. from one or more of the experiences we have put ourselves through.

If you look at our addiction through that lens it kind of puts a new spin on what’s all needed to recover because it’s far more than just removing the substances that for sure. Therapy really helps me sort things out and sometimes gives me a fresh perspective on things like this and that is really cool. Anyways enough out of me my friends. You all stay blessed I will write as often as I feel like it here over the next couple months. Just gonna give my creative juices sometime to replenish. But I won’t be a stranger 🙂 I sure love you all till we meet again keep smiling!

About The Author: Marc is a 49-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”

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3 thoughts on “When Recovery Gets Blue

  1. Wow! That looks like a wonderful track! Cool!
    I am just (?) discovering what your therapist says: “how it’s going to take some time to get used to not having chaos around always. To not always have to be on edge of your seat in case something happens.” It has taken me a long time to actually feel that happening time and time over again. Continous stress. The more I learn the more I understand how it was easy to get addicted and how much I need to understand about Life. And on the other hand: how simple it is because being stressed out continously makes us carry more than the Universe actually gave to us. As my cat says to me: “Why are you so stressed? I can’t see anything threatening you.” Followed by an: “I’m off, gonna do something nice.” Which is very bio-logical :-).
    xx, Feeling

    Like

  2. My bother in laws all mountain bike, and one of my sister in laws won award in her state.
    I had to learn how to live without all the drama, chaos too!
    Life seemed boring at first.
    Now, I love my new quiet, peaceful life!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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