By: Marc McMahon
Ok, so I think I have it figured out or, if not it doesn’t make bad of an opening line anyway. Back to the figuring though, as a writer/blogger or whatever other names you may refer to me as. When I run across the period of time when the urge to write an article just seems to disappear. I have found it means that my life is going really damn good and I have no pressing issues mental or otherwise that my soul feels the need to regurgitate onto paper in a desperate plea to find peace of mind and possibly help another human being in the process.
It means I think that this recovery thing is actually working as odd as the way I am recovering right now is ( one day when the time is right I will explain in detail the specifics of it but now is not that time.) Kind of like I have found some type of homeostasis with life. Is it the recovery? Or the belief in a power Greater than I in the universe? Could it all be accredited to my new Yoga regiment? Or is it and this is what I tend to believe, a combination of all three? Along with other factors such as age and a myriad of others but too many to list here.
This Year Feels Different
This usually is the season to get presents, see family (some years) and wait anxiously by the mailbox for Christmas cards to come with cash so I could go get high. Along with the traditional addict Christmas experience of eagerly opening your gifts, thanking the family member who gave it to you, then as your opening the next your mind is scouring its internal database to line the gift up with the most suitable drug dealer you know so you can trade it for dope as soon as you get home!
Then there is the inevitable come down and extreme feelings of guilt for again, trading your gifts for drugs when you promised yourself you would not, for any reason, do that this year. Then for some the dark days of depression and the ill-fated attempt at suicide. Not because you really wanted to die mind you, but because you just wanted all of the madness, and lack of self-control to stop. Because you wanted the beast within, the one who suggested you do things knowing damn well once you were given the idea you would not be able to not execute it. Truly your “Master of Puppet”
But, this year I must say is different. This year the suggestion I chose to act on was to silence that voice within to the best of my ability and regain the upper hand once and for all over my thought life, Aka-Recovery! This year I am happy, this year I am sober, and this year, I have all of the gifts I have received so far including the cards proudly on display in my little studio apt. I do this 1) because I love getting gifts this time of year, but more importantly. So I can wake up every day and look around and see that my stuff is still there and smile.
That may not seem like much to you all, but it sends as loud of a message as I can send to that monster inside me that his reign of terror is officially over, and that he should be very, very, concerned about ever having the possibility of getting the upper hand on this addicts mind again, ever! And that right there is possibly the greatest gift I have received thus far!
Where did I find this greatest Christmas gift I have ever received so far in my life you might be asking yourself. Just let me say this, one of the biggest reasons this gift is so important, what makes it so great, is that it was given to me by the two most important people in my life so far. The two people that are the backbone of my recovery and I have found the two people who I should put first and love most in my life. Myself and my Jesus! If I stay true to those two people not necessarily in that order I will be unstoppable in becoming all that God created me to be. Happy Holidays my friends, and may everything you touch this new year turn to gold. I Love You.
About the Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”