BY: Marc McMahon
Ahhh, the uncertain, frightening, because it is different and could possibly be better than the life I have, and I’m not sure I deserve it feeling, that comes from the process of self-discovery. Super cool really…..just unfamiliar, and with that, of course, comes the fear of the unkown like I mentioned above.
God forbid if what we discover is better than what we currently have. Hold the heavens if recovery equals discovery, and that discovery is a happy joyous and free life. I mean talk about weird…….happiness? I thought that was just two four letter words separated by an “I”.
What would you possibly do for entertainment if your life was so good there was no-longer a reason to have a subconcious reservation you are not fully aware of? The one that ensure’s your next relapse, and the obliteration of all things good in life as you know it. To have the eject and self-destruct buttons taken off the control panel of your mind. To trust your future and well being to a program you do not fully understand, with a higher power you can never meet?
Personal Growth Through Recovery
Like I said things are getting weird :). I am noticing drastic changes happening in me. Drastic to me at least, I don’t think but a couple people that are close to me would ever even notice the difference, but I do! I’m thinking more clearly, I’m being more responsible with my affairs then ever before, and I am very, very, happy most all the time, whether with people or alone.
To be quite honest with you I prefer to be by myself the majority of the time and socialize as I feel the need. I like my own company, I always have, and although I do put myself through my fair share of bullshit while in active addiction, here in recovery it is much less and fading quickly. Significantly less then the stress alot of other peoples bullcrap would cause on my life, so it’s just easier liking me and enjoying my own company.
A female companion to share lifes pleasures with would be grand one day though. That is something I crave more and more the longer I am clean. I am fully aware though that it also has the power to cause me to emotionaly overload and relapse too, Just like it has every other time in the past for me. So as much as I want it and as appealing as it seems, right now I gotta just chill, grrrrrr.
Yoga Supports Recovery
You want to know what else I found out helps me in my recovery as another means of support? Well your not gonna believe this and it was really weird doing it for the first time (I mean really weird). But last night I officially did my first two yoga poses. Kundalini Yoga as a means of cleansing the body and actually rebuilding it from the inside out. Repairing the harmful effects that the drugs or addiction had on my body.
It was so much fun I did it with a video I found on YouTube by Tommy Rosen (love him!) I will be honest with you though, I was kind of embarrassed trying it. So I closed my blinds and my curtains, and assumed the position. It was super cool even though it is way harder than it looks.
I think those super spiritual, bald headed dudes who live up by Mt. Everest might be onto something here. I read something yesterday about this level of peace, or higher level of conciousness that is available through proper meditation. It sounded enchanting almost.
It read- “To know true peace, one must find the silence within the silence!” Reminds me of the old song the “Sounds of Silence” I don’t know about you but I want to know that sound, that peace, freedom and happiness. It is all part of my recovery journey this time and I am so very happy that my mind opened enough to be able to see that what I had been using as a complete recovery plan for myself was really only a partial plan.
So yoga has been added secretly, just between us and my living room carpet to aid me in taking things to the next level and I am very excited. The process of self-discovery in recovery for me this time is the grandest gift life could give me right now. If I could list all of the good things my recovery is bringing me I would simply refer you to the first two promises of the A.A. program which reads;
About the Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”