When Fear Sets In

 

By: Marc McMahon

Life is a crazy thing is it not? We wonder through it always wanting more, always thinking about the next opportunity, promotion, way to improve our livelihoods. A way to feel appreciated for the work we do, a way to feel whole and have purpose.

Often times when the  occasion presents itself what happens? I don’t know about for you but I find myself excited for the chance I know I so desperately deserve. Then almost immediately after that my critic chimes in and begins to tell me I am not good enough, don’t try it, your gonna make a fool of yourself, you can’t do this and so on.

As fear begins to set in daubt increases, as the days go by daubt grows stronger, until you find yourself eventually believing that your not as ready for this job as you once thought. That instead of making a fool of yourself you should just let this opprotunity pass you by so you can hone your skills just a little bit more and be  better  prepared for when the next opporotunity presents itself.

Can you say low self-esteem, and a misguided sense of self  worth. It may be that you are already doing what your new job entails yet you talk yourself right out of even being willing to go apply. Just the opposite of what is called delusions of granduer! More like delusions of low self-esteem and I told you you could not do this.

Another b.s. lie that our addiction tells us so we dont’t go out and grab all life has to offer us! So we won’t be able to find our purpose, and fulfill our dreams. So we remain in a perpetual state of I’m not good enough, always being to fearful of our own shortcomings rendering us as unworthy as our thoughts tell us we are.

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The reason I bring this up of course is because it is happening to me right now, as we speak. It also happened yesterday and it would be a pretty safe bet to say that I will probably have a few of those thoughts tomorrow as well. I have come to the realization that my 22 year drug addiction has seriously screwed up my perception of self and stole from me almost all of the confidence that tells me I can go out and be successful at anything I choose to do.

Deep down inside I know I can, but the voice of my inner critic has chimed through so loud and for so many years that it still remains the loudest voice in my head. Not a cool thing because I know what that voice is telling me is not true when I am sober. This voice has won out for so many years that I am having one hell of a time shutting the little bastard up!

You see I have had a couple more offers to get paid per article for writing for a couple of different treatment centers here in the USA. Something I have hoped and prayed would happen now for a few months. Well the opportunity has presented itself twice now in as many weeks and I am going to do it and am very excited about it but it does not stop the voice.

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You know the one. That little whisper that reminds you of how poorly you did in school. Of how many times are you going to start a new job only to embarass yourself one payday when you leave work with your check never to return. Or if you did, your attendance and overall work performance begins to suffer because your addicts needs slowly begin to take precedent over any  and all other things including food.

Well I say it is time to change all of that. Time put my best foot forward and step right into the middle of my new opprotunity. I know that I will only need to succeed the first time in order to break this mold, this negative way of thinking, this “FEAR”.

One time to prove to myself what my spirit already knows……That I am a winner, I am worthy and deserving of good things. To prove mainly to myself but also the rest of the world that;

Everything, thats worth anything, lies just on the other side, of fear!

 

About the Author: Marc is a 48 yr. old Author, speaker, and soldier against the disease of addiction. He resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Marc’s hobbies include writing, Mt. biking, hiking, and drinking copious amounts of coffee. Marc is also the proud father, of one very outstanding young man. As Marc always likes to say “Be blessed, my friends.”my-full-pic-2017_02_08-08_58_09-utc1

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “When Fear Sets In

  1. Congrats on the invites of the detox centres! Cool!

    Somebody once told me “Anything you can do with fear, you can do without fear as well.” 🙂 Shit that irritated me. But I guess it is true. 😀

    Concerning the inner voice: I found the harder I try to suppress it, the louder it gets. While treating it nicely and asking it what it wants leads to totally different results. In Boeddhism it is called ‘feeding your demons’. In which ‘demons’ turn out to be undeveloped parts of us, sort of like little children who need attention, love and skills. I found this article very cool https://tricycle.org/magazine/feeding-your-demons/. Hope you enjoy. 🙂

    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 2 people

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