*Recovery Unsensored guest post #4*
BY: Jennifer Stottlemire
“I get pretty down on myself. Most of us do.
I can talk myself out of any positive attribute I may poses. Most of us can.
I will let the committee in my head tell many stories convincing me that I suck. Most of us let them do just that.
For us addicts and alcoholics, those are the very things that will kill us.
“Oh don’t be dramatic Jenn!” you might be saying. I assure you, drama aside, this type of thinking leads to picking that needle back up; putting that bottle back to our lips; back to the life of “just one more hit”….and to do that means death.
I’m realizing, in that made up world of sobriety I created way too early on in my still very delusional mind, that I don’t know how to take a compliment.
Praise? Positive gestures directed at me? Recognition for a job well done? Oh, the pain!
So how did I react when awarded Teacher of the Month? When my picture was posted in the lobby for all to see? When my accomplishments were listed, one by one? Yea, down the hall I could hear them coming and prepared for it: “well deserved Miss J…” “you are an amazing teacher…” “congrats…” “our kids love you…”
But a funny thing happened. That normally shy… head down…meek…blushing from embarrassment addict, held her head high and, with gratitude, boldly stated 2 words: “Thank you.”
You see, recovery isn’t about just putting that drink or drug down. It’s about learning to love who you are. It’s about being ok with being imperfect while celebrating your strengths. It’s about being able to ask for help even when trying to be independent. It’s about focusing on how far you’ve come and not how far you have to go. It’s about holding your head up when awarded with an amazing gesture like “Teacher of the Month” and boldly saying: “F**k yeah, that’s me, teacher of the month!”
Under your breath of course….”
About the Author: Jenn is a family-focused former teacher who just recently made a complete career change by entering the recovery field as a Behavioral Health Technician supervisor for women. Writing is something that she became passionate about through her own recovery from drugs and alcohol; using it as an outlet and tool to cope with the varied emotions and experiences of addiction and recovery. Jenn, her husband David who is also in recovery and son, Jackson live in Columbus, Ohio where they enjoy watching movies, cooking, cheering on the Buckeyes, having an active spiritual life and just enjoying the simple things that they once took for granted. The recovery world is their new world and they welcome all who desire recovery! To God be the glory….