BY: Marc Mcmahon
I am recovering from what has been previously said to be “a seemingly hopeless state of mind,body, and spirit.” It is a gift that has been handed down to me from the hands of my higher power and delivered by his angel he put here on earth to help me, and the story goes like this. I met with my outpatient treatment counselor for our weekly one on one visit and it was incredible as always, but I left feeling the usual awesomeness she normally leaves me with but there was a new feeling I left with too and I was not sure why. You see, I walked out of her office feeling happy, yet uncomfortably vulnerable in a way I never had before. It was not until I sat down at my laptop to send her an email that I figured out why. Here is what I processed in that email and I thought I would share it with the only other group of people I have found that understand me in the manner that my counselor is able too. Here it is!
Thanks for meeting with me yesterday, I left thinking that I have never been as transparent with anyone as I am with you, and I think that is part of my success thus far. To finally be able to let go of everything with somebody you trust, leaving yourself feeling almost a little vulnerable at times because trust is something this addict lost in humanity a long time ago. So all of this has become something that empowers me as much as anything!! To know that somebody sees me for who I really am, and can see behind and through the confident me that I am, yet often times allow myself to be portrayed to be because of my success thus far is awesome. To know that although you encourage, support, and believe in my ability to succeed. That you are still able to see the remnants of the scared, insecure, and unsure of himself, little boy, inside, trying so desperately to become a man. Helps me to know that at least somebody, somewhere, sees the real me! The whole me, not just the parts I allow people to see, but the parts I don’t as well!!
That is what makes you so special to me, that is why your style works for me. That is why, in part, I am able to just say screw it, and give you the good, bad and the ugly. Allowing myself to grow into the man God intended me to be, so I can do the work he put me on this earth to do. That work is to save lives that are lost to the disease of addiction, just as you have saved mine!! And that my friend is what is different about my recovery this time. I am no longer a secret, and that feels really vulnerable, and ultra fulfilling at the same time. Because of all I have just mentioned above, you have become one of only 3 people in my life that I have ever called a friend, and meant it. For that, I am eternally grateful, and forever in your debt!!
So thank-you again, for being who you are, and for doing what you do. For teaching me all you have taught me, and for all the things I will learn from you in the future. God could not have sent an angel to help me in any better way, and I say that with the utmost amount of respect for who you are professionally, and for the friend you have become!!
I get so excited when we meet that I just ramble for a whole hour, and it takes me some time afterwords to process the whole event. So I left yesterday feeling great, but deep inside I felt a sense of awkward vulnerability. This was a new feeling for me, and I could not figure out where it came from, or why I was feeling it. Then I slept 3 two hr sessions, (thanks to my new holistic sleep aid Valerian Root) and woke up super early but rested, and that’s when I felt compelled to write. Much to my surprise, it wasn’t an article, though, it was this email. Once my fingers hit the keypad all that stuff above just came out and that’s how I process. Now I know that’s why I felt how I felt when I left you yesterday, because you SEE ME, and today that is as empowering as it can get for me. I just needed to share that all with you, because you needed to know that what you have been able to do for me, is something 21 yrs of constant treatment and counseling could not accomplish, and you have done it in 101 days. That makes you a miracle, and heaven sent! Keep up the good work my friend, this world is a better place because of you!!!