By: Marc McMahon
Good morning everyone. This one could end up being kind of short in length but then again those could just be your writer friends famous last words as well. Seriously though, it has been exactly one week since I have written anything. One week since I have even sat down and had the desire to even write a piece. Almost as if every time I went to sit down at my computer to start to write something made me feel so uncomfortable I could not, or did not, or maybe just simply would not. I still am not sure yet so I thought I would sit down with you all finally and start writing about it and maybe we could figure it out together.
Seems to me that is how this works with me so thought I would try because I really don’t like the feeling I have had this past week. Just to stay true to form and remain completely honest and transparent with you all this is what it really felt like. It was almost as if I was overtaken with this week-long period of sheer boredom, with everything! My entire life this past week has rendered me little pleasure it is so weird.
It has not happened to me before in recovery but then again, I have only ever experienced sobriety at this length one other time in my life so I guess I don’t really know what to expect. I have spent much time processing the feelings, and emotions that I have been experiencing this past week. Trying to analyze and figure out their true origin, not always an easy task but one that seems to be much easier when I incorporate prayer and yoga into the mix. That way I can discern the problem on a spiritual level usually and not have to rely on my own ill-fated human understanding.
It’s Really Out Of My Hands
Even with that though sometimes the powers that be seem to see fit to let me simmer in whatever concoction of emotions they have brewed up in order to bring me out the other side a better man. No better way to purify Gold than with fire right? Oh boy, this already has got me starting to feel better. It is amazing the effect that 400 written words can have on a writers psyche. I’m smiling again and I am not even trying to and it been a week since my silly ass little boy grin has been permanently tattooed across my face but you all guess what, it’s coming back :)!
I think I would be foolish to say that this holiday season does not have sort of an impact on my mood. Not on the surface level mind you because I on the surface I am truly excited about Christmas coming. But this feeling I don’t think is new, it has a ring of familiarity to it from the past. I can’t quite pinpoint the exact time but I do know I have experienced this before in some form.
I think that sometimes we are as affected by the feelings and emotions we are consciously aware of as much as we are the ones that dwell beneath the surface, if not more so possibly. Kind of like being on the Human Hamster wheel of life constantly dealing with an onslaught of emotions, feelings, and stimuli, that sometimes can be more than the mind can handle all at once so our body goes on the defensive and says ok all that is now deemed temporarily boring so you can just keep away from dealing with it until you are ready.
Unbeknownst to you your body puts you into self-preservation mode and all you do is barely eat enough to get by and sleep until one time you wake up and it all feels better again. It is truly kind of like that for me right now at this point in my recovery and with my healing but current state of mind/mental health. Just saying, just processing all of this aloud and when finished I’ll go back and re-read this and see if it even makes any darn sense lol.
The Moral Of This Story
Is that for me and I am sure for others in recovery as well both past and present that sometimes when our minds get quiet and things seem to get a little on the boring side, don’t fret. I think that not only is it normal but more importantly. It’s ok. I think looking back on this past week that times like I just had, a whole week of just blahhhhh. Nothing exciting, nothing pressing, no real concerns, just boring, that we should actually cherish those moments.
You see I have a sneaking suspicion that as the months turn to years and our lives become more productive and fruitful that we will see less and less of those chances to get that quiet time. As days get full of jobs, and meetings, maybe family and kids, quiet time could quickly be a thing of the past. It is my belief that sometimes our situations are not always as bad as we may think they are. Sometimes when we get frustrated, or bored, or unhappy with our lives that we just need to step back and look at them through a different lens ya know. Like how would one in a war-ravaged third world country consider the quality of my overall life and what I deem to be boring?
When I do that today and I just thought of that but if I were to apply that thought to all of my past life. Even my worse day would be a cause for celebration on some level for those folks. Gosh, I am so glad I made myself sit down and write this on this way to early on a Tuesday morning but it was a blessing that I did. Ya know I could not think of a better bunch of folks to wake up and have coffee and share with either, so thank you, you’re truly my heroes and for that, I have much love for you.
About the Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”