By: Marc McMahon
I think the title sums it up pretty well don’t you? I mean what a ride being clean and sober is. No more hangovers, no more waking up not knowing where your at, and no more coming to in a hotel room, not your bed next to your wife left wondering what the hell happened the night before. Nope, just all natural, free flowing, life, with endless possibilites.
I found that the only restrictions on this new life, the only limits to how much we can achieve, the only meter placed on how successful we can become, are the ones we implement upon ourselves. Usually these limits derive from a low-esteem, or poor self-image that has not matured yet into its full recovery potential. But once that changes for you the possibilities are endless, yes, the sky becomes your actual limit.
You can do anything you set your mind to do and accomplish it if that is what you really want. I know for some that may sound a bit far fetched, maybe slightly exagerated even but I am here to tell you it’s real. I am explaining this as I am learning it because I for the first time ever in my life am experiencing it first hand. It is not coming from another persons mouth at an AA meeting, or from a speaker at an event somewhere.
It is literally happening to and for me right now as we speak and I tell you I have never felt a cleaner high in my whole life. That says alot to because Lord knows I got an “A” for effort in my pursuit of it over the years. But seriously, imagine waking up every single morning not excited because its the first of the month and you get your check to go get high like you have done for God knows how many checks prior to that.
No, to wake up excited because it’s still 12 days from payday and your just excited to be alive and go for a walk. Suddenly the leaves, and the trees, and the stars are the most majestic things you have ever seen. And yes, because you still have money left over from your last check because you didn’t spend it all on dope. So you can go out to breakfast or a movie if you like!
Man, what an awesome feeling that is for me, it is so simple but it is so very empowering, for 20 some years I had no real power in choice over that. My addiction ran my finances, and you know how addictions are, ya exactly, anti-social as hell. I mean mine was anyways, I suppose at first it was a bit social but that was just to manipulate me into believing this really was the best and most exciting choice for me to make at age 26. When I chose to leave the minors and hit the big leagues to become a full-time, Professional, Crack Cocaine Smoker!
Baptism No Longer By Fire
So for the past eight months, sobriety for me, has been like being reborn. Given the opportunity to live in a new state, a new town, not wanted by the law, and I’m a damn registered voter now as well in my state. No kidding, really, me? Hell yes, me, its really me, and I am doing this, not for a probation officer, not for my family or loved ones, FOR ME! Best part, it’s working.
It is like God has taken an eraser to the chalkboard of my past, got me sober, gave me a laptop and the gift of writing, topped it off with this new found desire to share all I have been through in hopes it can help make anothers walk just a little less painful hopefully. And the chance to start life all over again as a legitimate, law abiding member of this community. WOW!!! ME?????
I’m continually going through these realazations almost on the daily now it seems, or at least a few times a week. Brand new things I am learning about me now and who I am sober, seriously. Sometimes it is really wierd like I am meeting a complete stranger, or acting like one because I am very quickly realizing that I don’t have the same taste in things now that I am sober.
Once Was Lost But Now I’m Found
For instance an old using buddy popped in to just to check on my sobriety he says, lol I laughed at him and said cut the shit bro wassup! Oh ummm, well, ya see, ummm, I got this laptop. I stopped him right there and explained to him that now that I am sober and have been given this chance to live like a normal law abiding citizen. That I would no-longer even entertain the thought of purchasing stolen merchandise because it is illegal and I realize that now.
He says I feel ya man and walks off. BUT, today he shows up to see if I want to buy somebody elses food stamp card and for of course the standard street price of 50 cents on the dollar cash to food. I again said bro, obviously you don’t feel me, no, I won’t buy them that’s illegal. Couldn’t believe those words just blurted out of my mouth, I was stunned a moment because old instinct was telling me hell yea!
This was yesterday not 15 hours ago, and it was at that moment that I realized the full measure of this opprotunity that God has presented before me. A legal citizen, who’s actually gonna vote and the whole nine yards. Even been thinking about volunteering here in the community somewhere just to give back what I can to this fabulous little town. My friend shook his head and said man you have really lost it and walked away.
I want to tell you I just chuckled to myself and walked away but that is not at all what happened. What happened next was even wierder. As my friend walked away noticably concerned for my state of mind my heart went out to him. As he walked off. I stared until he drifted off into the darkness, back into the deep that he walked out of. My heart went out to him because he truly believes that I may have taken this sobriety thing a little to far by going the whole 100% legal citizen route.
Then I reflected back on my own state of mind in my addiction and ya know I was right there with him to. I realized as he walked away that I have been for 20+ years literally living in a drug induced reality that was never, ever, actually real. It has taken me seven months of ground pounding trench warfare, mainly within, but also on the battlefield of Addiction to realize this. This though, as tragic for my friend as it sounds has actually been a huge blessing for me, and will be for him one day to when he finally gets ready to change. And he will, I am confident in that I just pray soon is all.
So back to the exciting moral of this fabulous story. If after 7 months now I am starting to have these profound life experiences then there must be more to come. Has to be I figure. And if I figure correct, which math was never my strong suit, but providing I have. I figure not only will there be more but they will each be more profound then the one before and my friends for me that makes every night a Christmas Eve, and every morning a Christmas gift. Care to join me for my New Years 🙂 Sure Love you all, stay blessed.
About the Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”