Miss Lady Cocaine

By: Marc McMahon

It has been a long time has it not old friend? If my memory serves me correctly it’s been what, almost seven years now since we dated? Yes, I am sure of it, seven years since I last saw you. I was just sitting here a few moments ago and you came across my mind, startled me a moment, to be honest with you, the thought. The image of your face racing across the threshold of my mind. But, it came and it went.

It was just like old times all over again sweetie, you scared me at just the mere thought of you, gosh, you were always so strong. You know I always admired that about you, don’t you? The fact that you were such a take charge kind of person, and a girl even, but nobody could tell that by how you played the game. No way, you always kept it real, well the real that always benefited you in the end, so I guess sometimes it wasn’t always real. But one things for damn sure, you definitely always played for keeps.

My Fatal Attraction

I think that is one of the things that drew me to you at first, that sense of dominant power you always displayed, even over the boys! I was always a bit shy and reserved, completely non-violent, so you were such a breath of fresh air to me when we first met. For once I finally felt alive, no longer afraid of what others thought, and always confident in my ability to make the right decisions. I had never had that before, not from my mom or my dad, not even my favorite Grandparents made me feel that way, but you did. You were like a Goddess to me and now that I had you I can remember thinking that I have to treat you really, really, good so I can make sure you never leave me and take that feeling with you. I can remember thinking I won’t go back to feeling that old way again, ever!

As you can tell I been reminiscing a little bit, thinking back on the first time my friend Shawn mentioned you to me. How well he thought we would get along, how he thought you were the perfect match for me. What he thought, what he wanted, him, him, him, why was he the smart one all the time with the right decisions. But I was sure that first time you walked into my apartment with him that this decision of his was definitely right for you and me.

I Was Speechless

You were stunning in that short little mini skirt and heels, with long blonde yet with a hint of glimmering white flickering in your hair as it hypnotically flowed down the back of your neck. Your eyes, the deepest, darkest, shade of blue I have ever seen, almost black at times if the light caught them right. I had never seen a pair of eyes that color before in my entire life, very unique, almost mesmerizing. But now I know why too.

The reason why I stopped by I guess is that I think I need some closure so I can put this to rest once and for all. I have rid myself of the desire to have to be with you for some time now but there has always been this ongoing, subconscious dilemma as to whether or not I could maybe visit you periodically, and kind of maybe be friends again.

That’s what this is really about I think, for me at least. It is tough sometimes because I know you still love me. I know you would welcome me back with open arms. You know sometimes when I am not feeling really good, and I’m a little lonely or depressed I think about that. I think about you yelling to me as I was being taken away that you would always take me back. That no matter what I had a place with you, a home, a friend, but more importantly a lover, my soulmate again.

No matter how long we have been apart whenever I feel like that I always think of you there. It’s nice to know you always have somewhere to go don’t you? Especially when you are all you got, it’s nice to know someone out there always cares. But hey enough of all that.

A Change Of Heart

You know what else I feel now though I just noticed when I get feeling down and instinctively think of your love? I feel angry, and kind of bitter towards you, I feel like every single word you ever said to me was a lie, everything! Do you know how angry that makes me at you? That is what you think, but you cannot even begin to understand the level anger, no hate that I have for you.

I despise you so much you pathetic, lying, family, destroying pile of crap that I have decided to dedicate the rest of my life chasing you down by your heels doing everything in my power to make sure you cannot hurt again. I’m serious so wipe that shit eating grin off your face right now or I might just be tempted to make an exception for you and do it my damn self.

The party is over my dearest Lady friend, the curtain has called, and your bells have been tolled. Have you ever heard the phrase “hell hath no fury like women scorned” Ya, well swallow this one “Hell hath no fury like a pissed off addict hell-bent on hunting down his disease!” One thing before I go, sweetie, may I have this last dance!

About the Author: Marc is a 48-year-old Author, Speaker, and Soldier in a war to loosen the grasp that Substance Abuse has on our society. He is a Father, Son, and friend to all those seeking refuge from this incorrigible disease. Marc resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where he enjoys, writing, hiking, and kicking the disease of addiction in the teeth, every chance he gets. As Marc always likes to say, “be blessed, my friends!”